The Root of the Problem

There once lived a little girl who loved, loved, LOVED her teeth. She enjoyed going to the dentist and didn't even mind having braces. She even thought, "Oh, how I would someday love to be an orthodontist and help make everyone's smiles oh-so-lovely! Surely this most be the most perfect job for me!"

Then one day the princess had her wisdom teeth extracted. All four. All at the same time. Did the princess mention they were all in her gums sideways? Nitrous oxide made the girl feel like she was in a very odd episode of "Mad About You" in which all of the sounds in the room worked together, quite dramatically, to set the score for the show. She drifted off to sleep only to suddenly awaken to see aliens standing in front of her, holding a bloody tooth. "You doooooooin' allllllllright?" the alien asked. The princess fell back asleep, only to have nightmares about the alien and the bloody tooth.

A short time passed and the princess needed to have a cavity filled. The bloody tooth image briefly flashed before her, only to be replaced by the thoughts of her love for the dentist. The cavity was filled, but something wasn't right.

Turns out, the princess needed a root canal. At this point, the princess is beginning to question her love for the dentist. Why, why would the dentist betray me so? During the root canal, the princess was in immense pain. The dentist, who clearly was no prince charming, developed and evil laugh and told the princess that she wasn't experiencing pain, it was only pressure. Then the dentist looked at the x-rays and realized that the princess was indeed in pain and extracted the tooth immediately.

That day the princess decided she would rather have dentures than go through that again, but the dentist refused. The princess went through one more root canal-oops-wait-extraction incident and then huffed and puffed and moved to Minnesota. In Minnesota, the dentist offered to replace the two teeth that had been pulled to which the princess replied, "Heck no. I don't want anymore teeth. Thanksomuchbye."

The princess then decided to floss and use a Sonicare toothbrush to thwart the evil ways of the dentist. She went four very long years without a cavity and then the streak sadly ended. The princess did not live happily ever after and still wants dentures.