A Blatant Display of Fertility

You've seen them... Armies of stick people plastered across the back windows of SUVs across the country. They're moms in aprons, dads with golf clubs, little kids kicking around soccer balls. They're entire families in UK sports jerseys standing aside two very confused-looking llamas. They're goldfish permanently stuck in a bowl next to a string of seven children and two dogs.



The bottom line -- they are utterly ridiculous and somewhat dangerous. They scream, "Oh hey! Look at me and my perfect family. Look how fertile I am and how comfy/cozy my uterus is. Yay me! Oh look, and we even have a pet rooster! Aren't we just to die for? Don't you just want to be us?"

Maybe my disdain comes from the fact that I never feel that I could properly identify with a stick person, or maybe it's because of my own issues with fertility. Regardless, I find these stick people to be absolutely silly.

How do you identify which "object" best represents you and should forever be linked with your stick person? I have tried and tried to think what item I would choose and I've had no luck. A candy bar? No. Book? Eh. Football? Getting warmer, but still, no. How could I personify my love for office supplies with my stick person? Do you see the problem I am having here?

For the husband, I could maybe do a computer or a video game controller. How does this compare to the other stick dads and their briefcases and golf clubs?

And what about the baby? Do I just go for a little baby in a diaper with a bottle? But what about when he is older (like next year) and he doesn't drink from a bottle anymore? Do I just go outside and scratch that off of my back window?

Now, lets discuss the safety issue for a minute. Many of these "stickies" have names attached to them. Yeah, that's a real genius of an idea. Let me share the name of my child with you, so you can follow me in the "Walmarts" and entice my child, by name, with a soccer ball, because you know she loves soccer because she was playing with a soccer ball on the back window. Very smart, mom and dad.

I have a friend whom I fear would have stick folks on her car if it weren't for me. It feels good to know that I am saving her from dipping her toes into this cultural experience. She watches me get excited when I see a particularly impressive display of stickness and she always questions why they bother me so.

I don't have an answer. But like furries (I'll save that for another time), UK fans and people who don't like chocolate, I just think it's wrong.